LITTLE HAVANA TRILOGY

face up

hectisimo — Mon, 08 Nov 2010 10:48:28 +0000

face up

laying on her back,

bathing naked neath the sun

in her vessel of beige, brown and black,

mother breathes and spills

a son

throbbing like a waterspout

diving to the ground

mossy banking riverside

luna purrs

a hollowed sound

little havana trilogy

hectisimo — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 10:19:38 +0000

hectisimo — Mon, 27 Sep 2010 10:13:53 +0000

new moon

hectisimo — Tue, 10 Aug 2010 01:12:31 +0000

sinagua

hectisimo — Sat, 07 Aug 2010 17:08:19 +0000

Winslow

hectisimo — Sun, 01 Aug 2010 00:06:51 +0000

the last time i saw her

hectisimo — Mon, 05 Jul 2010 04:22:52 +0000

The last time I saw her she had lost all her hair. She had been fighting cancer for over a year and a half and really looked it. It was late february and she was as grey and bare as winter. As we sat in her living room going over old times, she caught me looking at her and said, – don’t look at me so much, all this medicine makes me look fat. But, the more I looked at her, the more I saw how beautiful she was.

Up until that day I hadn’t seen her in over ten years. We talked on the phone every now and then, whenever I called . But there was this one time, and one time only, when she called me and told me that she had had an accident at work, and that she could no longer dance, and that ever since then, whenever she looked at herself in the mirror, all she saw was the bitterness of lost time. I wanted to say something that would inspire her to see and feel things in a different light, but I too, felt lost, and all I could mutter was, – ” I love you and you will always be beautiful to me.” She paused for moment; I could hear her breathing gently on the other side, then in the softest voice ever she said, – ” I know; I think that’s why I called.” Then right before we hung up, just right before we said goodbye, she told me that the happiest time of her life had been spent with me.
After we hung up, I sat alone in the dark and thought about her and about us until finally, I fell asleep to the swishy sound of taxi cabs that always seem to be heading uptown.

victory

hectisimo — Thu, 01 Jul 2010 04:00:33 +0000

VICTORY

MAYBE SOMEDAY I’LL BE ME

BRIGHT AND FREE

BUT FOR NOW

I’M ALL SMOKE

AND A MIRROR LOST AT SEA

AND STILL YOU SWIM

THE HUNGER THAT’S BEEN DROWNING ME

IN YOUR HONESTY

YOUR HONESTY SEES

VICTORY

NUDE AND BOLD

TAKING ME

HOME

I WANT TO SING AND SHOUT THIS SONG

AS DOUBT MOVES ON

OUT OF ME

DEMONS WERE HOLDING ME DOWN

NO MORE

IT’S SIMPLE TO SEE

LOVE CONQUERS ALL

LIKE YOU CONQUERED ME

WITH YOUR HONESTY

THERE’S NO GREATER GIFT THAN TO LET ME BE ME

IN MY VICTORY

hectisimo — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 16:19:56 +0000

She lies

hectisimo — Tue, 29 Jun 2010 07:05:04 +0000

I want to trust her, but I don’t. Trust must be earned, and once it’s lost, it’s almost impossible to regain. She lies a lot. She probably lies to everyone else too; her family; our friends; to herself. She does what she wants. I accept that. I wish she didn’t need to deceive, but she does, so I pretend I don’t know. I act like I have no eyes and can’t see. I used to confront her about it, but I no longer bother. It’s pointless trying to get her to change. I don’t do anything to stop her, not like I used to. There are things she does, she knows I hate, so she lies and tells me she doesn’t do them, but I know her. I know she lies about every little thing. I used to tell her to stop, but I no longer waste my breath. Don’t want to. Not anymore. Now, I just stay quiet, pretend to believe her mess and wait. I wait till I’m strong enough to stop caring. I wait for the strength to pull myself out of this hole i’ve fallen in.